Reflections on Redundancy
With my probation review coming up next month, I’ve been reflecting on the journey that brought me here.
Earlier this year, the startup I was working for had to make some cutbacks and the Principal QA Engineer role was made redundant. Given I was the only person in this role, that meant I was given the boot. This was not news I wanted to hear just as I'd moved cities and bought my first house, taking on a sizeable mortgage. They delivered the news on the day of my first anniversary in the role, only a week after I'd been told I was vital to the business by one of the leadership team. I've never been through the redundancy process before, and I was surprised at just how much it hurt.
Nothing quite prepares you for what you feel when you're told you're no longer needed at a company. You spend a third of your life by default in service of your employer, seeing the same faces day in day out, sharing so many experiences together and then suddenly it's all just gone. No more custom emoji reacts, silly memes and in-jokes, no more obscure jargon, acronyms and domain knowledge, no more stand-ups and tea breaks and "have you got five minutes?" spiralling out into an hour of problem solving. All the knowledge you've painstakingly gathered is suddenly useless and you're now faced with having to build everything up from scratch again.
When I joined that company, I had promised myself it would be my last attempt at making a testing role work for me. Redundancy felt like a sign to pivot toward what I had been gently dreaming of for a long time: a software engineering role. Breaking into the field felt daunting, as conventional wisdom suggests the best path is through an internal transfer, leveraging your reputation. But I didn’t have that option anymore. After applying to many companies, facing rejection after rejection, I started to lose hope. But then, my current employer took a chance on me after a positive and encouraging interview process. Since starting, I’ve been happier than I ever thought possible in a workplace.
No job is perfect, but this one feels close. My team is full of kind, talented individuals who are great to be around, and encourage a culture of safety and authenticity. Having taken a large step down in terms of seniority, I’m no longer involved in the higher-level machinations of the organisation, which gives me the space and freedom to focus on learning and perfecting my craft. It's lovely.
And because it's so lovely, I'm scared every day that I'll lose it. Since I was let go, it's been a lot harder to have that baseline level of trust, especially given the state of the industry at the moment. The redundancy process really highlighted that it doesn't matter how hard you work, how much your team respects you or how valuable you're told your work is. The fact is, companies have a bottom line to meet, and those non-tangible aspects which are valued by some don't always matter when it comes to cold, hard numbers on a balance sheet.
Redundancy often carries a stigma, with some perceiving it as a reflection of performance, regardless of context. It’s been far too easy to internalise that belief, and my confidence has taken a hit, even after doing the hard work of unpacking those feelings. Changing careers has been humbling, and building the strength to face the challenges of being a beginner again hasn’t come easily. I’m not sure if anyone knows just how much effort goes into managing my emotional state - whether it’s through grounding exercises when someone wants a "quick chat" with no context, keeping cool whilst trying to figure out a what's causing a gnarly bug, or leaning on teammates for encouragement on the hard days - all while maintaining a steady flow of completed Jira tasks. Every day is a learning day, and as hard as it is, I’m deeply grateful to have this opportunity.
As my probation review approaches, I hope it reflects the effort I’ve put into making this opportunity count. After years of searching for a role that balances culture fit, skills alignment, and growth opportunities, I’d love to stay and enjoy this for as long as possible.